we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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