Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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