So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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