Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
