He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
