I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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