Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
