Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
