I'm so fucking centered right now
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
