woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Green mimosas i think yes
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
