the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
