I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
