Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
