how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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