Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
