Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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