at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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