i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Randomize
