Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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