I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My ATM looks so different sober.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
