please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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