so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
