you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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