Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
