YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
