New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
