dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
