ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Last time i carry you out of a forest
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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