oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
