Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
