Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
