just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
