You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
