the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
