Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
