hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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