Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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