Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
