Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
