Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my phone needs a breathalizer
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
