He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
