sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
