so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
