I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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