I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
