a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
