We're facebook friends in real life
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
