omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
