Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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