i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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