Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
