he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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