I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
