You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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