You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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