I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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