my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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