it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
