Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
