How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
