2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
