your room smells of hookers.
And success
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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