I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
