She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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