i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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