What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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